Support system

 Good afternoon boys and girls!  I want to talk about something today. I am talking about support system for bipolar type 2 which correlates with ADHD. As for now, I am doing great because I am living with my family and I can always focus on what I really want to do, which is writing and music, specifically piano. I really want to be good at it and perform in front of a crowd one day. I am still far from taking the 4th grade exam as I have forgot a lot of the theory so I need to pull in the effort and focus on it. I was getting really distracted lately for reasons unbeknownst to myself haha.  My application for the TEDtalk is being considered and I can't wait for the result to be announced, even if I didn't win this year, I want to try for next year and again heheheeh. Basically, right now, just focusing on personal growth, friends and family. A strong support system is a must.

  Apart from that, I really want to suggest a song, called Barriers by David Archuleta. It's about  a guy who fall in love with a girl but he is willing to leave her to change the world, as in making the world a better place, tackling serious issues instead of meddling with love which is an honorable sacrifice. I really love that song. It's my jam forever as I really like David Archuleta. I believe he is a good role model as a singer, not only he is smart (he writes his own songs, can sing in multiple languages like English, Spanish, Italian, Tagalog and French, a former honor student at his school) , he is also a genuinely humble, down to earth person and is kind to everyone in which he went for a missionary program for 2 years in Latin America to serve the poor and preach his religion somewhere along those lines.

Uh btw, the main reason I blog again is because I need a channel to let out my feelings and my thoughts somewhere, to better understand myself and hopefully reach out to readers who would like my contents maybe (?) .

It's very important for us to know about ourselves as each of us is different, in our own ways, if we know ourselves best, it would be easy for us to amplify our forte and improve our kryptonite.

Medications

So the medications prescribed to me is sodium valproate ( mood stabiliser) which is a small and round purple pill. I have to consume it once in the morning and twice during the night after eating some food. My parents went to Mecca recently and they brought home the Zam Zam water for me to drink as it is known as the cure to any diseases in Islam medicinal practises.

 Other than that, I do take extra dietary supplements like Elken's plankton something, Omega 3 fish oil , ginkgo biloba and recently I am thinking of putting apple cider vinegar into the diet as it is known as a good mood control. I do not take caffeine at all, as it makes me irritable and unable to sleep as my sleep requirement is 8 hours per night ( sadly as the meds is strong). I have a funny story for you guys! Once, I took 2 instead of one in the morning and I passed out instantly hahahaha xD . Oh and I remembered I used to have a fever once and I felt like dying  because I ended up sleeping the whole day ( meds plus flu plus fever meds like heavy drug haha) . My friends always asks me if I ever feel high, and Im like yeah all the time LOL. It is a form of controlled drug anyways talen legally xC.

Leadership and personal experience

 I think ever since I fall sick at 16 and don't really go to the school at 17 ( it's kind of funny and I laugh it off everytime I think about it with my friends) , I have always wanted to inspire people. I know I maybe not much of a leader, I did go to university, though only 2 semesters and had a great time and had the opportunity to be class representatives and had a really close relationship ( I think? haha)  with some of the lecturers, they are very nice. I was very happy that I did my best and got a 4 flat and 3.78 respectively ( I wished I went to the Dean's list award ceremony but I didn't have the transport). At the same time, I didn't socialise much, more into the books, just focusing my studies. Plus, I don't really understand what the other students are into. It's very loud and ewww. It's very lively in a way that I don't like. I have a few good company back then, my housemates were very caring and understanding that I need to sleep before 12. I like to help them with their homeworks especially English as I really love the language and one of them is a medic student and she understands my condition which is a mood disorder. I did have a couple minor episodes which is forgetfulness and it was TIRING, forgot to lock the door, forgot which level I was at so I always have my doctor's number on the emergency call to acknowledge him.

Hospital visit / Come Back Home

Today was a bit tiring. I had to wake up early to take my blood at the hospital. So, I woke up at 6 a.m instead as the distance is quite far from home. It had been 3 years since I last took it and I was nervous to say the least. I made my way to the counter and greeted the nurse who is very much familiar with me that she could remember my whole name (it is long haha) and off we go to the room. I felt a bit intimidated as the room is near to the drug recovery program (damn scary! Sorry) but felt secure thanks to my brother's company outside the room.

It was only me and her. I asked her to do it gently as the last time I cried like a small child because the nurse who handled me earlier was forceful even when my veins wasn't  showing (ouch! ).

She said she would do her best and well she did just that! I was so giddy as happy that it ended like I wanted. The blood was full in the test tube though it felt brief. She smiled and I noted with a nod and gave her a handshake with a thank you wish before I left with my brother and father to eat at a nearby stall. I was still high at that time, rounded the same place twice haha. After that, we reached home. I couldn't wait to hit the sack and off I was in a deep sleep till noon. Tired I'd say.   :)

The song that rings to me at that time was Come Back Home by Lauv. "Getaway, all I need is a little getaway."

"You need to come back home, home."

Those lines spinned on my mind several times. That'll all I wanted. Home. My safe haven. 

Comfortable

How is it going guys? I just want to suggest a song that Im really digging into at the moment called Comfortable,you guessed it, also by the incredibly talented Lauv who writes the lyrics effortlessly well. For instance, "Now it's like Im walking on eggshells, trying not to burn the hell out, I bet that's what she's thinking, that's when she said, do you want it bad? " .

It really captures the feeling of sadness and emptiness perfectly. It's like when you're low, not having your best time, but you still face the crowd anyways, which must have been a shitty feeling inside.It's not like other people understand you anyways.Being in fast motion but you are not in good timing with the pace.

Furthermore, the overall vibe of the song is more towards somber and hopelessness. This is depicted clearly through the lines, "Could I ever do enough to make this coffee more than bitter water? Could I ever do enough to make this love not like wearing a collar? And the way he enunciates the words in a slow and pronounced manner makes it even more convincing to the listeners, appearing vulnerable and honest, his voice almost cracked and resonates with us on a deeper level.It felt real. More of a confession rather than just a song. Highly delicate and raw masterpiece from the musician.This is sounding gloomy and dark so I would just end it here. Goodbye folks! And listen to the track! Haha :)

The Muse

Muse is the thought or spirit that inspires an artist. In simpler words, that aha moment when the artist says "Eureka! I have a brilliant idea!" . It's the source of creativity embedded in the artist's mind.For instance, when Sir Isaac Newton got hit by an apple on the head while resting under a tree and came up with the theory of gravity and for some, it even goes to following weird ritual like drinking coffee each morning at a certain time to get that perfect idea. The idea of having a muse piqued my interest to write about it as it relates a lot with creativity. I, for example, have always deeply believe that creativity is obtained through procrastination.

I know what you're thinking, wait a second, procrastinate? You're lazy! That's not being productive! . Well, I wanna prove otherwise. Procrastination is a good thing, it involves us being in a relaxed state of mind. Uninterrupted, just us doing whatever we are doing like planting a flower, showering and do you realise that more often that not, your mind produces its most brilliant ideas when it isn't forced. That's when you're in the craetive flow. Your creative mind is activated. Brainstorming is a good strategy surely, but sometimes you couldn't get the best ones out and you're basically stuck in a rut so, stop thinking. Instead, go take a long walk, listen to that new song, go take a hot shower and eventually the muse will hits you in the head, I promise you that. Try it for yourself! :)

So, the next time someone says you're not being productive, you can argue and counter that by stating that you're taking time to get your own muse. Good luck and have fun while doing so my playful readers! Who knows, you might create the next  Titanic! Imagination is more important than knowledge. ;D

Random thoughts I have

So, I've beem listening to a lot of music recently, specifically EDM tracks, mostly independent songs with phenomenal lyrics and somehow it inspires me write one. Im jotting this down:

Voices speak volume,
Your words still linger in my mind,
Leaves a foul taste on my mouth,
Nothing bitter than saying our goodbyes,
Sailing through the painted skies,
The stars came alive at night,
Just like us,
Though the light faints every other time,
The memories remain buried within our lives.

Good luck on decoding the message behind this haha xP .