Hospital visit / Come Back Home

Today was a bit tiring. I had to wake up early to take my blood at the hospital. So, I woke up at 6 a.m instead as the distance is quite far from home. It had been 3 years since I last took it and I was nervous to say the least. I made my way to the counter and greeted the nurse who is very much familiar with me that she could remember my whole name (it is long haha) and off we go to the room. I felt a bit intimidated as the room is near to the drug recovery program (damn scary! Sorry) but felt secure thanks to my brother's company outside the room.

It was only me and her. I asked her to do it gently as the last time I cried like a small child because the nurse who handled me earlier was forceful even when my veins wasn't  showing (ouch! ).

She said she would do her best and well she did just that! I was so giddy as happy that it ended like I wanted. The blood was full in the test tube though it felt brief. She smiled and I noted with a nod and gave her a handshake with a thank you wish before I left with my brother and father to eat at a nearby stall. I was still high at that time, rounded the same place twice haha. After that, we reached home. I couldn't wait to hit the sack and off I was in a deep sleep till noon. Tired I'd say.   :)

The song that rings to me at that time was Come Back Home by Lauv. "Getaway, all I need is a little getaway."

"You need to come back home, home."

Those lines spinned on my mind several times. That'll all I wanted. Home. My safe haven. 

Comfortable

How is it going guys? I just want to suggest a song that Im really digging into at the moment called Comfortable,you guessed it, also by the incredibly talented Lauv who writes the lyrics effortlessly well. For instance, "Now it's like Im walking on eggshells, trying not to burn the hell out, I bet that's what she's thinking, that's when she said, do you want it bad? " .

It really captures the feeling of sadness and emptiness perfectly. It's like when you're low, not having your best time, but you still face the crowd anyways, which must have been a shitty feeling inside.It's not like other people understand you anyways.Being in fast motion but you are not in good timing with the pace.

Furthermore, the overall vibe of the song is more towards somber and hopelessness. This is depicted clearly through the lines, "Could I ever do enough to make this coffee more than bitter water? Could I ever do enough to make this love not like wearing a collar? And the way he enunciates the words in a slow and pronounced manner makes it even more convincing to the listeners, appearing vulnerable and honest, his voice almost cracked and resonates with us on a deeper level.It felt real. More of a confession rather than just a song. Highly delicate and raw masterpiece from the musician.This is sounding gloomy and dark so I would just end it here. Goodbye folks! And listen to the track! Haha :)

The Muse

Muse is the thought or spirit that inspires an artist. In simpler words, that aha moment when the artist says "Eureka! I have a brilliant idea!" . It's the source of creativity embedded in the artist's mind.For instance, when Sir Isaac Newton got hit by an apple on the head while resting under a tree and came up with the theory of gravity and for some, it even goes to following weird ritual like drinking coffee each morning at a certain time to get that perfect idea. The idea of having a muse piqued my interest to write about it as it relates a lot with creativity. I, for example, have always deeply believe that creativity is obtained through procrastination.

I know what you're thinking, wait a second, procrastinate? You're lazy! That's not being productive! . Well, I wanna prove otherwise. Procrastination is a good thing, it involves us being in a relaxed state of mind. Uninterrupted, just us doing whatever we are doing like planting a flower, showering and do you realise that more often that not, your mind produces its most brilliant ideas when it isn't forced. That's when you're in the craetive flow. Your creative mind is activated. Brainstorming is a good strategy surely, but sometimes you couldn't get the best ones out and you're basically stuck in a rut so, stop thinking. Instead, go take a long walk, listen to that new song, go take a hot shower and eventually the muse will hits you in the head, I promise you that. Try it for yourself! :)

So, the next time someone says you're not being productive, you can argue and counter that by stating that you're taking time to get your own muse. Good luck and have fun while doing so my playful readers! Who knows, you might create the next  Titanic! Imagination is more important than knowledge. ;D

Random thoughts I have

So, I've beem listening to a lot of music recently, specifically EDM tracks, mostly independent songs with phenomenal lyrics and somehow it inspires me write one. Im jotting this down:

Voices speak volume,
Your words still linger in my mind,
Leaves a foul taste on my mouth,
Nothing bitter than saying our goodbyes,
Sailing through the painted skies,
The stars came alive at night,
Just like us,
Though the light faints every other time,
The memories remain buried within our lives.

Good luck on decoding the message behind this haha xP .

Gossiping

Gossipy people. I loathe. Just a bunch of fakers. If you have any of your friends like that, dump them. It is a harmful and demeaning behaviour made to tarnish one's good reputation and is sinful towards the religion. I mean imagine if you have someone who leach the money out of you, borrowing your money all the time and shamefully gossip about you behind your back to other people. That just shows who they are as a person. Egoistic and narcissistic personality tend to have this behaviour and use it to dominate other people. They gossip about everyone anyways. If someone does the same thing to them, I bet they would be pissed off too.

They like belittle others and this hurts people's feelings. I used to have a so called 'friend' who acts like this and after I figured this out, I just cut off any contacts from her. It's not worth it. They  are just highly insecure little pricks who are jealous of anyone who have it better than them. If you feel doubtful, confront them and say that you dislike this person's behaviour strongly and would unfriend them if they continue to do so.

I write this post because it is important to preach about and worth sharing with everyone. I hope everyone gets a lesson by reading this and so do I.Have a great day ahead peeps! :D

My struggle with Social Anxiety

 So, guys and girls across the world, like I have promised to you earlier, I would elaborate further on the struggles I had social anxiety. It is real. It exists. Just that most people won't admit it because they're afraid of being thought as 'crazy' or 'have mental health issues'. In fact, it's a lot more in common than most people think as it is predisposed based on genetics, family background, environment and also past experiences. It doesn't defines the person. Do you know that JOHN GREEN, the author of best selling books, Looking for Alaska, the famous book adapted to film,The Fault in Our Stars and Paper Towns suffers from ANXIETY and has PUBLICLY confessed and become an advocate for it? .Yes, Im using capslock to emphasize those words because it matters in RAISING AWARENESS.

Sadly,our society, no matter how educated,their mentality is hard to be changed unless we are in thriving countries but there is hope.There are a few symptoms you should look for like sweating profusely in large crowd, feeling confused or delirious, nauseous, fainting, shaking hands, fight or flight situation as in you feel like you want to get away from the place by running away etc. If you feel concerned about yourself, you should try to get prescriptions immediately to lessen the symptoms because you might feel self conscious about it and feel inferior if someone brought that up.

It has happened to me multiple times before. I usually try to avoid making eye contact with anyone and keep a distance from everyone or stay close to my family and friends. I did ran away once to retreat to a small unoccupied space and catched my breath.It shocked my friend who was walking with me I guessed. That is why I always prefer to either walk alone or with the company of people Im close with to feel safe and secure.

Furthermore, it makes me feel disappointed when I tried to explain to a few acquaintances of mine who is well educated but showed no understanding of the situation. It was out of my control. I lost my mind at that moment. I chose to stay away from some people just because they won't get it anyways. The medications prescibed to me is very helpful to alleviate my symptoms that also correlates with depression. And I admit, there are some people who I assumed as good said Im crazy to my face and I felt a lot better after cutting contacts and blocked them from my life. Even to the point of online bullying. I could have reported but I only gave warnings so they would be wary of their actions. That makes me feel like shit because I was ordered around and even lent money to some of them though I was reluctant. I have always knew they aren't good people to be associated with. Sorry for getting a bit out of the topic but I think it's important to point this out.

I hated my school years too especially high school. I don't think the teachers understand. I still strongly dislike some of them who likes to humiliate students in classroom. I was called 'crazy' because I was distant. I was just passive. All they wanted was A's if no it means degrading each person. I just hate being bothered by loud mischievous puberty stricken kids. Now I understand why the generations in the country despite being educated, lack morals value. They are being belittled until their self esteem is crushed. What would you expect them to become?

I became sensitive after that and just hate any form of formal education anymore. I was an achieving student but I was deeply troubled by classroom situations as I have low self esteem. I prefer to self- learn now.Im sorry if this post sounds sensitive to some but Im telling you as it is, what I have experienced.

Thank you for reading and I hope you are moved somehow and can accept different perspective on this matter. I hope we will strive and that none of this happens to anyone anymore. I know I kind of came out of topics from the main one which is anxiety but they explained why I started to develop one in the first place. Goodnight dearies! :)

What sets you on fire?

Greetings my loves! Have you ever heard of this word called intuition? Intuition is
your gut feeling, instinct that comes from within you. Nobody tells you that but you think that's the truth even when others are telling you you're in the wrong. As infants, up until we become toddlers and young children, I strongly believe we have always followed our intuition. If you feel like drawing a plant, you draw, for hours even and that's what makes you feel fulfilled inside your heart. Your parents don't really care at that moment unless it involves your safety and wellbeing.

Once we hit puberty though, our parents or guardians are controlling us and guiding on what we are supposed to do and not to do especially when it comes to our career or what we are supposed to do in life. Get a job with lots of money. A teacher once said. I remembered watching a video made by a Youtuber who was previously an accountant. He became one just because his teacher said so. "I don't know what I want to be.", he asked his teacher,feeling confused
"Be an accountant. You'll make a lot of money and you'll be happy."

Then he pursued a degree in accountancy and graduated with honours. Soon after, he landed a job at a small yet successful accountancy firm and worked there for quite awhile until the company went bankrupt and he was one of the top ranked worker and quitted. He said he wasn't happy anyways with the job. Yes, he made a large sum of money but that's not what life is about. Eventually, he discovered Youtube and tried to dive into videomaking and he loves it. He is now a full time Youtuber and that's what makes him feel alive and happy. He emphasizes to all the youngsters out there that it's important to know what keeps you burning with passion.

His story really sets an impression on me. As for me, Im still searching and I wont settle just yet. Yes, it will take time, like he does, but eventually you'll find it. You just have to keep searching. Not what others want you to be, but what you want to become yourself.One of the  things that will help is to remember your hobbies or passion when you were little or back in high school. Something you're good at and you're not doubting your own talent, not even other people's mockery.

I believe you can do it, and if you ever feel lost, remember you're not alone. There are other people who feel the same way but are scared to say so. Goodluck and have faith in what you do and believe in! :)

Social Anxiety

Hey, what's up everyone? My post for this time is pretty personal. It's about social anxiety.For all my life, I've been an anxious person. I strongly dislike crowded places and with loud noises. It drains my energy and makes me feel nauseous. I usually sweat after quite awhile and if anybody asks I would be quick to dismiss and say that it's nothing. It's my bed time and I will talk about it further in my later post. Goodnight!.

Reforget

Hello there everyone! My beautiful and elegant boys and girls or shall I say gentlemen and ladies instead?
This is my first post and I hope you guys would enjoy reading it as much as I have fun writing it down.

 Penning these thoughts from my mind isn't that easy lately. I'm working on a draft (shoot! Shouldn't tell any of u,spoilers alert! XC )  and find myself coming to a writer's block, so I have decided to start a blog instead at the moment. As you all have acknowledged in the title, Im going to suggest you a song that's been stuck in my mind quite for a while now, called Reforget by Lauv. Even the title alone makes me think it is catchy and something almost everyone can relate with including myself.

Reforget is a song supposedly meant to describe the pain you felt after being left by an ex lover, the drinking and hangovers just to melt those memories away. My own interpretation before I read the meaning of the song is what happens when something bad occurs and all you want to do is to go out and have fun until you forget about those unwanted baggage at a point in your life from the hookline of the chorus, "I go out just so I can reforget".

I love the lyrics, it's metaphores are on spot to me and the background music gives you that  sadness and blurry vibe too, like everything is vague and you can't figure out what's going to happen after the break up, " lost in the light, and I don't know what night is". It's relatable  to any form of relationship, be it love or friendship or when you meet someone new that's interesting but you couldn't meet them anymore.

The genre of the song is EDM, which stands for Electronic Dance Music. Im a new fan here! *raises hand* . From my understanding, EDM is a type of music that makes you want to dance along to it as it is so catchy and makes the whole process of listening to music on a new different level. In this song, you can hear drum rolls on the background and also some electronical sounds that I failed to identify ( sorry to upset any of it, listen for it yourself xP) and it sure does helps to give the song  a new layer of flavour and depthness. Im giving this song a perfect five out of five on the rating scale.

My favorite lines from the song is "blurry bodies but you're on mind" and "I go out just so I can reforget". Oh and by the way, the singer, Lauv is a new break out Latvian musician from New York who got signed up pretty much immediately after One Direction's Liam Payne promoted his song through his Twitter account.

Other than that, I also dance to this song when Im in the mood of it just because it's that addictive! . It also takes me on another planet somehow, where I can only feel the music and lose myself in it.Being a music enthusiast who loves to listen, breathe and sing music, I definitely suggest you to give it a shot! It's worth it and Im pretty sure you'll love it too! :D